A few months ago, I wrote a post here on my blog about my Daddy and the incredible story of his life. Here's the link if you missed it: "My Hero is the Strong, Silent Type" If you were fascinated by his story, you'll be just as interested in my Mama's story. I've been told by those closest to me that I'm "just like my Mama," and while it drives me nuts in some ways, I must admit that deep down I really do consider it a wonderful compliment because my Mama is probably the strongest, most courageous woman I have ever known! She has been through so much in her life and has faced every single bit of it head-on........with the strength of a true "Steel Magnolia"! She's turning 70 years old this week, and believe me when I tell you, she is still a force to be reckoned with! Let me explain........... "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as Mary Louise Gammage was born in the back bedroom of this South Georgia home on February 23, 1944. She was the first-born child to a middle-class school teacher and funeral director. From the pictures I've seen, it's pretty clear that this beautiful baby girl was the apple of her Daddy's eye. Now, as far as I know, Mama was just your average baby girl, hitting milestones right on track...crawling, sitting up, walking, etc. In fact, I would love to know what her first "word" was. I'm betting it was "da-da", but no one ever told me for certain. At any rate, her language acquisition ceased to exist when she was 2 years old because she contracted a case of spinal meningitis that put her very close to death. After a frightful night of high fevers, seizures, and utter confusion, Mama lived, but her hearing was gone. We're not talking "hard of hearing" here. I mean at the age of 2, my Mama was 100% deaf. In 1946, I'm not sure anyone really knew what to do with a deaf child other than send her off to a school that specializes in teaching children with no language, but for Mama's family, "being deaf" simply wasn't an option! She would be "normal"....do normal things.... BE normal.......and for the next 10 or so years, that's exactly what Mama tried her best to do. Determination gives you the resolve to keep going in spite of the roadblocks that lay before you." ~Denis Waitley Mama is the first of four children. The only girl. She was born in '44. Her brothers, Lynn & Elliott, were born in '45 & '46, so these three spent lots of time together. Baby brother Phillip came along a few years later. Mama absolutely ADORES her brothers! Unfortunately, because of language barriers, any real communication between them has been extremely minimal over the years, but the love is there nonetheless. I believe my Grandparents wanted Mama to be "normal" so badly, that they just did their best to pretend she was! When you look at these pictures, you'd never know my Mama's world was completely silent. She has ALWAYS put a "happy face" to the world because that's what was expected. I think she WAS happy in many ways. She was given very elaborate birthday parties, the finest clothes, the neatest toys of the day, but she lived among hearing folks....understanding very little of what was being said or done around her. Because my Grandaddy was in the funeral business, they moved a couple of times in the early years. They lived briefly in Millen and East Point, GA before making their final move to a beautiful place called Cedartown, GA. My Grandaddy owned and operated Gammage Funeral Home, and they all lived upstairs. This is what it looks like now. It's had several renovations, but it's still a family business today, owned and operated by my first-cousin (he's the third generation!) Mama was 5 years old when they settled in Cedartown, and she went to public school from 1st - 8th grades. As an educator, I think it is very important to make sure you understand the situation. Mama could not hear. At all. Period. She "talked," but could not hear her own voice, so she had no concept of loud or soft....high or low...etc. She also had no idea how to pronounce words. She just tried her best to mimmick how it looked when she watched others say things. Over the years, out of sheer necessity, she learned to understand people through their personal gestures and by reading lips (which meant they needed to be facing her). Sometimes, she understood. Many times, she did not, but she just smiled & persevered anyway. There was no "504 plan", no IEP, no one-on-one special education class, interventions or strategies. She just went to school and did her best. It's all she knew. "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." ~Eleanor Roosevelt In 1958, Mama completed 8th grade. Up until this point, she had had one teacher per year, so she tells me it was bearable. She always sat in the front to be able to see the teacher's lips easier. She'd get used to the teacher. The teacher would get used to her. However, 9th grade meant "high school" and changing classes and lots of teachers. Sadly, there was resistance to having to "put up with" a deaf kid in class from some of the teachers at the high school, so another plan would have to be worked out. It was decided she would go and be a resident at the Ft. Lauderdale Oral School in Florida. Children from all over America were sent to this school. At that particular time, Mama was the only student from Georgia. Each student had hearing aids (absolutely useless to Mama), and were instructed on how to communicate orally. Communication via hand gestures of any kind was strictly forbidden. Candles were held in front of mouths. Certain sounds should blow out the candle....other sounds should leave the flame intact. I'm not exactly sure what the consequences were for creating the wrong sounds or using your hands to communicate, but I know Mama has very bad memories of this place. At the end of that first year, she came home and made it clear to her parents that she would NOT be going back. "A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." ~Eleanor Roosevelt That same summer, back in Cedartown, Mama's hearing friend, Cathy, invited her to go swimming with her at this beautiful Spring a few miles up the road. Sure, Mama said. Why not? While they were swimming and sunbathing, Mama noticed this gorgeous "place" right across the street and asked her friend about it. If Mama understood Cathy correctly, it was a place where kids who couldn't hear went to learn.....people just like Mama....and they even had their own language! They used their hands to talk to each other! (I swear, I have heard this story a thousand times and I STILL cry every time I get to this part! It just brings me SO many mixed emotions each and every time!) Get this..... 11 1/2 miles from Mama's home, was this incredible place....... ....it had been right here......the whole time! The Georgia School for the Deaf in Cave Springs, GA! Now, I don't want to speculate too much here out of respect for my Grandparents. I'd give anything if I could talk to them now as an adult and find out why they kept Mama away from this place for all those years. Maybe they just couldn't bear the thought of sending their little girl away to live somewhere else. (I know I'd have an extremely difficult time doing such a thing!) Or maybe they just didn't think a deaf person could really hope for much of a future out in the real world, and therefore they wanted to help her be as "hearing" as possible. I guess I'll never know for sure, but I KNOW with great certainty that THIS was God's Plan for my Mama, because once she found this place..............truly a "Heaven on Earth" for her.............everything changed for Mama! "If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to Well, needless to say, Mama could not wait to get back home and tell her parents about this place.....where there were more people.......LOTS of people.......just like her! Seeing no other alternatives, they agreed to let her attend GSD, but only on a commuting status the first year. Mama jumped at the opportunity, and just absolutely blossomed! At the age of 15, Mama finally had a genuine smile on her face. She met plenty of deaf teens and got involved right away. She was a member of the basketball, track and softball teams. She participated in One Act Plays. She also learned American Sign Language and was finally able to fully express herself. (By the way, no one in her family ever learned ASL to be able to communicate with her in HER language.) Her teachers & classmates truly became her family. After that first year, she begged her parents to allow her to be a resident at the school and they allowed that as well. Take a look at her new life...... I believe the most important thing she did at the Georgia School for the Deaf was meeting a handsome young man named Kerry Thomas in 1961. He'd been on this campus for 14 years (as opposed to her 2 years), but the two had an undeniable attraction to each other. As I said earlier, Daddy's story is quite different from Mama's, and yet just as fascinating! The link to his story is at the top of this post. They were predestined by our God to be together. The explanation is just that simple. Mama graduated from GSD in May of 1966 and the two married on July 9 of that same year. I wish I had a wedding picture to show you, but I don't because they eloped. They went over to Aiken, SC (because according to them "you didn't have to wait as long as in GA for a marriage license and there wasn't a bloodtest!") However, Mama has always told me that she married in the same dress she graduated in...a pretty white dress with a pink ribbon tied at the waist. I was so excited to find a picture that I think may be the famous graduation/wedding dress! :) Mama & Daddy started their married life in Augusta, GA. Living an independent life was extremely important to them. Mama worked at C & S Bank as a proof reader and Daddy was a type setter at a printing press company. Then, in March of 1968, they had a a baby (that would be me)...a hearing one! (which really shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone since neither of them were deaf due to genetics, but rather to external circumstances, but I think folks were concerned.) :) There were several moves over the next few years.....Augusta to Cedartown to Chamblee, and then finally, in 1970, the three of us moved one more time to a little town called Sylvester, GA and lived most of my childhood in a house right next-door to the very house Mama was born in 26 years earlier. Mama had several jobs over the years including bookkeeping at our local hospital, floral design at a family-owned florist, and finally as a keypunch inventory operator at the US Marine Corps Logistics Base in Albany, GA where she worked diligently for the next 29 1/2 years. Throughout the '70s, '80s & '90s, Mama worked hard for her family and was also very dedicated to her church and our God. She and Daddy attended Byne Memorial Baptist Church where there was a significant deaf ministry. Mama was an active member of WMU, taught her Sunday School class, and helped organize the monthly newsletter for the deaf. She was also an active member of the GAD (Georgia Association of the Deaf) and was the Director of the Miss Deaf Georgia Pageant for two terms. In July 1979, she became a Mama for the second time as we welcomed my baby sister into the world! Yes, she can hear, too (in case you're wondering). :) Well, our family rocked on quite well for a decade or so....just doing the normal family stuff. Then, a significant event happened in February 1993, and nothing about our family was ever the same. Daddy had a major brainstem stroke, and it ravaged his body. Mama would now have to draw from an even deeper strength than she had ever tapped into before. "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong." ~Audrey Hepburn Mama continued to work at the Marine Base as long as she could during the day, and came home and took care of Daddy every night. Daddy is a very big man, and became pretty much dead weight from the severe paralysis. Again, you can read all about Daddy's specific physical struggles on the other post, but suffice it to say that the last 20 years have NOT been easy for Mama & Daddy! In 2006, Mama decided it was time to retire from her job and give Daddy her complete attention. I wasn't able to attend her retirement luncheon, but when I read the accomplishments that are listed on the program above, I was very impressed and extremely proud of her hard work! In 2011, Daddy had a second round of smaller but still very serious strokes. My sister and I decided it was time to pack our parents up and move them closer to one of us. So, we packed up 45 years worth of independent life and moved them to North Georgia. They now live right here in the same town with me, and I see them several times a week. I have watched Mama continue to dedicate her life to my Daddy. The love those two share is absolutely amazing. It's so incredibly strong and such a wonderful example of what "for better or worse....in sickness and in health" really means. So, there you have it. The life of Mary Louise Gammage Thomas thus far. My beautiful Mama. (Seriously, don't you think she's a gorgeous woman?) She's a devoted wife, a mother of two, a grandmother of three, and I hope this post has in some small way given you a picture of how immensely proud I am of her and all she has accomplished in her life. If you've read all the way down to this point, I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Yes, it's a long story, but, like my Daddy's, it's real....and inspiring.....and definitely worth the time it took for me to write it! Even with everything my Mama has been through in her life, I have NEVER, not once, seen fear or hopelessness in her (other than when we almost lost Daddy in 1993). She is such a strong Christian woman with an immense faith in our God. She simply will NOT give up......ever! Like I said, she's a force to be reckoned with! She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. ~Proverbs 31:25 So, here's the question.....is there a "Steel Magnolia" in your life? Do you have the opportunity to tell her how important she is to you? If your answers are "yes"...and "yes", I encourage you to let her know! None of us are promised tomorrow, so make the most of today! So with that said, Mama, I want you to know that I am awed by you! You have lived an incredible life and are an amazing example of the kind of woman I strive to be....selfless, strong, and full of courage. I thank you for giving me life and taking such incredible care of Daddy! I wish you the happiest of birthdays this year and many more to come! I love you, Mama! Until next time, ~Dot UPDATE- Mama's soulmate entered Heaven's Gates on April 12, 2016, but HER story doesn't end there. My sister and I promised our Daddy that we would love Mama and take care of her the same way she loved and took care of him, and we intend to do so for all her birthdays to come! We love you, Mama! You are truly our inspiration!
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"Family is the most important thing in the world." ~Princess Diana So, we made it through Christmas holidays, and just like that, our nest is...ahem..."roomy" again. (If you're joining me here for the first time, let me bring you up to speed...I simply cannot discuss the idea of an "empty nest", so I prefer to embrace the term "roomy nest".) Even though there were some seriously emotional times to sort through over the holidays, we WERE able to enjoy our time together under one roof for a few days and for this I am extremely thankful. Toward the end of our time together before one of the birds flew back out of the nest, I got really sentimental and, sure, okay, maybe a bit sappy. The point is, I decided I wanted a picture of the four of us together in the same place at the same time before my babies left us again. I'm a big fan of "then & now" side-by-sides, depicting the passing of time, so I decided I wanted to re-do a picture of us that was taken on our back porch right after we moved into our house in 2003. So, my family humored me and allowed it to happen. Take a look.... Really cool, huh? Yeah. I think so, too. That's the same chair, too, so it really IS a true picture of how much our son has grown over the years. Our daughter, on the other hand, made the discovery that she really hasn't gotten any taller since she was 11. Bless her heart! :) "Family is not an important thing. It's everything." I don't know about you, but I get VERY sentimental when I start thinking about how much my baby birds have grown and changed over the years...especially when I start pulling out the photo albums! So, without further ado....I'd like to invite you to pull up a chair and see the transformation of my family over the last 20+ years. I think you'll agree that our children aren't the only ones who have "evolved" over the years! (Click on the big picture to start the slideshow!) Here's the bottom line.....this Mama Bird LOVES her nest! Sure, the nest has changed a little...okay...a lot....over the last 6 months, but these three people are everything to me! They have brought much joy into my life, and I love every moment I am blessed to spend with them! I'm already looking forward to seeing them on their turf very soon and hearing all about the latest news in their lives! Happy 2014 from our nest to yours!
~Dot "Christmas is not a date. It is a state of mind." ~Mary Ellen Chase It's no secret. Christmas is here. Let's be honest. It's been here since they put the Halloween candy away at WalMart. I used to love the Christmas season. As a child, it was simply a magical time of year for me. However, I have to be honest. It's no longer "the warmest time of the year" for me. I'm not sure exactly when it changed in my heart, but well, it has. Now don't get me wrong! I am a Christian woman.....VERY strong in my faith, and I thank my God DAILY for sending His Son to pay the ultimate price for my sins. So, in that regard, I guess you could say I celebrate Christmas every...single...day of my life. (We couldn't have Easter without Christmas!) He IS my Savior...and without question my Hope! It's the "other stuff" associated with Christmas that really makes me stop and try to make sense of it all. So, as I was trying my best to be festive over the last few days and get our house in some semblance of "holly jolliness" before family arrives soon, God (in His always right-on-time Wisdom) talked to me as I was decorating our living room....specifically, our mantle....and our tree. "It's true, Christmas can feel like a lot of work, particularly for mothers. But when you look back on all the Christmases in your life, you'll find you've created family traditions and lasting memories. Those memories, good and bad, are really what help to keep a family together over the long haul." We've never had a "gorgeous, Southern Living" tree. By that, I mean, the ornaments haven't all been "uniform" nor matching. No real "color scheme" or theme to speak of. Our tree has evolved over the years of our marriage. It is truly a potpourri of ornaments we have acquired over time.....some mark specific milestones in the life of our family, like these... Others have sentimental meaning, like these.... ......and then of course, there are ones like this that make me cry every single year when I unwrap them as I am instantly transported to that magical time in my life all over again! Well, as I hung each ornament on our tree the other day, God said(so clearly it was almost audible!), "Look at this! You have a rich, full life, Dot. I have given you SO many blessings! Every year new, additional ornaments are hung on the tree. What does that tell you? I'm not done with your tree, Dot. I have big plans for your family. There are more 'ornaments' on the way! Do you trust Me?" My response: "Yes Lord, but here's the deal...." "......God, you know I love my children more than anything in this world! I would do anything....ANYTHING..... to protect them. I know they aren't babies sitting on Santa's knee anymore, but I'm still their Mama! Now, I know none of this comes as a surprise to you, God, but lately, there are people....self-professed Christians.... who have hurt my children! It's not fair, God! Christmas is a time for Christians to celebrate, yes, but also to be reminded of what we are all about ---- love. The Love of Jesus. Unconditional, sacrificial love. It's difficult to sing about "chestnuts roasting on an open fire" right now when my children have been hurt....deeply! Help me understand, God, please!" Well, there wasn't any big clap of thunder or a chorus of angels if that's what you're waiting to hear. In fact, I didn't hear anything right then at all. I thought perhaps I had stumped God. Ha! Silly me! "I don't think Christmas is necessarily about things. It's about being good to one another, it's about the Christian ethic, it's about kindness." You see, I keep thinking about the Golden Rule. You know how it goes, right? "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I have also thought of it this way lately...."Do unto my children as you would have me do unto yours!" Sadly, the ADULTS that are involved are, at times, more of a battle than their children! The problem is this....I love the people my children bring into our lives. I embrace our differences. I welcome them with open arms. It's just my nature. It's how I was raised. I believe that's what God wants us to do, so I just continue to do that. I am praying diligently for God to change my heart and take away the bitterness that's starting to set up shop in there. I don't like it. It's toxic and totally counterproductive to peace and joy. Guess what? Good news! Turns out, my children are bouncing back, and it's God's Doing. I know it is. That's the only explanation. Our son? Well, he's moved on....focused on what brings him joy. He is such a positive soul, and he simply refuses to succumb to anything that has negative energy. I am constantly learning things simply by observing his actions. He brings me abundant joy every single day! Our daughter? Now, that's definitely a harder mountain to climb, but she's doing it! Folks have come out of the woodwork to show her (and us!) how much they love and respect her these last several days. The hurt is very deep and has caused much unnecessary pain that won't be gotten over in a day or two, but she WILL make it and she'll be stronger than ever! Of this, I am certain. I am SO very proud of her for continuing to draw on her own faith to get her through this dark and uncertain time. She truly is an inspiration to me! I am awed by her strength and courage! So, you see, even though there are some very fresh wounds in our home this Christmas, I'm digging DEEP to make it a "merry" one. We are going to do our very best to take a step back one holiday on the calendar........to Thanksgiving......when we placed emphasis on being truly thankful for our blessings. Thank you, God, for reminding me that You're still working on my Christmas tree. Yes, I DO trust You! You promised me in Jeremiah 29:11, and I'm continuing to claim that promise, not only for me, but for my precious children as well! "I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year." ~Charles Dickens So, what about you? Are you focused on a Merry Christmas? I hope so, but can I make a suggestion? Make sure it's not about the "stuff." Focus on the "ornaments" in YOUR life. Thank God for those blessings, and draw strength and hope from them. Most importantly, thank Him for the greatest gift He could ever possibly give us, His Son--our Savior, the Prince of Peace! Merry Christmas from our home to yours, ~Dot
July 28, 1990
Life is all about memories. Admittedly, I do NOT have a good memory, but I can say that my Wedding Day is without question one of my most vivid memories (probably because we have a video...VHS, by the way... that I have been able to watch from time to time over the last 23 years). As I've already mentioned, I do NOT have a good memory, so the little stuff...how the cake tasted...the look of our reception decor....is not even a possibility in my memory bank, but I DO remember very well how I felt on that day. I was so excited to start a new life. One that I was going to share with this man. A life in his town, among his family and childhood friends. A life very different from the only one I had ever known growing up. As corny as it may sound, I truly viewed him as my knight in shining armor that was going to whisk me away to a wonderful life that is usually best recognized in fairy tales. Well, as is true for ALL relationships...particularly marriages, ours hasn't always been a fairy tale. We've had some rough patches along the way, but the best part of this story is that we're still together. He's still that handsome knight that rescued me 23 years ago, and I'm looking forward to our future....together. |
AuthorHi! I'm Dot. I refuse to succumb to the "empty nest syndrome"! So, this is my journal.....my photo album.....my attempt to enjoy the next chapter of my life as it unfolds. Welcome to The Roomy Nest! Archives
January 2020
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