A few months ago, I wrote a post here on my blog about my Daddy and the incredible story of his life. Here's the link if you missed it: "My Hero is the Strong, Silent Type" If you were fascinated by his story, you'll be just as interested in my Mama's story. I've been told by those closest to me that I'm "just like my Mama," and while it drives me nuts in some ways, I must admit that deep down I really do consider it a wonderful compliment because my Mama is probably the strongest, most courageous woman I have ever known! She has been through so much in her life and has faced every single bit of it head-on........with the strength of a true "Steel Magnolia"! She's turning 70 years old this week, and believe me when I tell you, she is still a force to be reckoned with! Let me explain........... "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as Mary Louise Gammage was born in the back bedroom of this South Georgia home on February 23, 1944. She was the first-born child to a middle-class school teacher and funeral director. From the pictures I've seen, it's pretty clear that this beautiful baby girl was the apple of her Daddy's eye. Now, as far as I know, Mama was just your average baby girl, hitting milestones right on track...crawling, sitting up, walking, etc. In fact, I would love to know what her first "word" was. I'm betting it was "da-da", but no one ever told me for certain. At any rate, her language acquisition ceased to exist when she was 2 years old because she contracted a case of spinal meningitis that put her very close to death. After a frightful night of high fevers, seizures, and utter confusion, Mama lived, but her hearing was gone. We're not talking "hard of hearing" here. I mean at the age of 2, my Mama was 100% deaf. In 1946, I'm not sure anyone really knew what to do with a deaf child other than send her off to a school that specializes in teaching children with no language, but for Mama's family, "being deaf" simply wasn't an option! She would be "normal"....do normal things.... BE normal.......and for the next 10 or so years, that's exactly what Mama tried her best to do. Determination gives you the resolve to keep going in spite of the roadblocks that lay before you." ~Denis Waitley Mama is the first of four children. The only girl. She was born in '44. Her brothers, Lynn & Elliott, were born in '45 & '46, so these three spent lots of time together. Baby brother Phillip came along a few years later. Mama absolutely ADORES her brothers! Unfortunately, because of language barriers, any real communication between them has been extremely minimal over the years, but the love is there nonetheless. I believe my Grandparents wanted Mama to be "normal" so badly, that they just did their best to pretend she was! When you look at these pictures, you'd never know my Mama's world was completely silent. She has ALWAYS put a "happy face" to the world because that's what was expected. I think she WAS happy in many ways. She was given very elaborate birthday parties, the finest clothes, the neatest toys of the day, but she lived among hearing folks....understanding very little of what was being said or done around her. Because my Grandaddy was in the funeral business, they moved a couple of times in the early years. They lived briefly in Millen and East Point, GA before making their final move to a beautiful place called Cedartown, GA. My Grandaddy owned and operated Gammage Funeral Home, and they all lived upstairs. This is what it looks like now. It's had several renovations, but it's still a family business today, owned and operated by my first-cousin (he's the third generation!) Mama was 5 years old when they settled in Cedartown, and she went to public school from 1st - 8th grades. As an educator, I think it is very important to make sure you understand the situation. Mama could not hear. At all. Period. She "talked," but could not hear her own voice, so she had no concept of loud or soft....high or low...etc. She also had no idea how to pronounce words. She just tried her best to mimmick how it looked when she watched others say things. Over the years, out of sheer necessity, she learned to understand people through their personal gestures and by reading lips (which meant they needed to be facing her). Sometimes, she understood. Many times, she did not, but she just smiled & persevered anyway. There was no "504 plan", no IEP, no one-on-one special education class, interventions or strategies. She just went to school and did her best. It's all she knew. "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." ~Eleanor Roosevelt In 1958, Mama completed 8th grade. Up until this point, she had had one teacher per year, so she tells me it was bearable. She always sat in the front to be able to see the teacher's lips easier. She'd get used to the teacher. The teacher would get used to her. However, 9th grade meant "high school" and changing classes and lots of teachers. Sadly, there was resistance to having to "put up with" a deaf kid in class from some of the teachers at the high school, so another plan would have to be worked out. It was decided she would go and be a resident at the Ft. Lauderdale Oral School in Florida. Children from all over America were sent to this school. At that particular time, Mama was the only student from Georgia. Each student had hearing aids (absolutely useless to Mama), and were instructed on how to communicate orally. Communication via hand gestures of any kind was strictly forbidden. Candles were held in front of mouths. Certain sounds should blow out the candle....other sounds should leave the flame intact. I'm not exactly sure what the consequences were for creating the wrong sounds or using your hands to communicate, but I know Mama has very bad memories of this place. At the end of that first year, she came home and made it clear to her parents that she would NOT be going back. "A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." ~Eleanor Roosevelt That same summer, back in Cedartown, Mama's hearing friend, Cathy, invited her to go swimming with her at this beautiful Spring a few miles up the road. Sure, Mama said. Why not? While they were swimming and sunbathing, Mama noticed this gorgeous "place" right across the street and asked her friend about it. If Mama understood Cathy correctly, it was a place where kids who couldn't hear went to learn.....people just like Mama....and they even had their own language! They used their hands to talk to each other! (I swear, I have heard this story a thousand times and I STILL cry every time I get to this part! It just brings me SO many mixed emotions each and every time!) Get this..... 11 1/2 miles from Mama's home, was this incredible place....... ....it had been right here......the whole time! The Georgia School for the Deaf in Cave Springs, GA! Now, I don't want to speculate too much here out of respect for my Grandparents. I'd give anything if I could talk to them now as an adult and find out why they kept Mama away from this place for all those years. Maybe they just couldn't bear the thought of sending their little girl away to live somewhere else. (I know I'd have an extremely difficult time doing such a thing!) Or maybe they just didn't think a deaf person could really hope for much of a future out in the real world, and therefore they wanted to help her be as "hearing" as possible. I guess I'll never know for sure, but I KNOW with great certainty that THIS was God's Plan for my Mama, because once she found this place..............truly a "Heaven on Earth" for her.............everything changed for Mama! "If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to Well, needless to say, Mama could not wait to get back home and tell her parents about this place.....where there were more people.......LOTS of people.......just like her! Seeing no other alternatives, they agreed to let her attend GSD, but only on a commuting status the first year. Mama jumped at the opportunity, and just absolutely blossomed! At the age of 15, Mama finally had a genuine smile on her face. She met plenty of deaf teens and got involved right away. She was a member of the basketball, track and softball teams. She participated in One Act Plays. She also learned American Sign Language and was finally able to fully express herself. (By the way, no one in her family ever learned ASL to be able to communicate with her in HER language.) Her teachers & classmates truly became her family. After that first year, she begged her parents to allow her to be a resident at the school and they allowed that as well. Take a look at her new life...... I believe the most important thing she did at the Georgia School for the Deaf was meeting a handsome young man named Kerry Thomas in 1961. He'd been on this campus for 14 years (as opposed to her 2 years), but the two had an undeniable attraction to each other. As I said earlier, Daddy's story is quite different from Mama's, and yet just as fascinating! The link to his story is at the top of this post. They were predestined by our God to be together. The explanation is just that simple. Mama graduated from GSD in May of 1966 and the two married on July 9 of that same year. I wish I had a wedding picture to show you, but I don't because they eloped. They went over to Aiken, SC (because according to them "you didn't have to wait as long as in GA for a marriage license and there wasn't a bloodtest!") However, Mama has always told me that she married in the same dress she graduated in...a pretty white dress with a pink ribbon tied at the waist. I was so excited to find a picture that I think may be the famous graduation/wedding dress! :) Mama & Daddy started their married life in Augusta, GA. Living an independent life was extremely important to them. Mama worked at C & S Bank as a proof reader and Daddy was a type setter at a printing press company. Then, in March of 1968, they had a a baby (that would be me)...a hearing one! (which really shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone since neither of them were deaf due to genetics, but rather to external circumstances, but I think folks were concerned.) :) There were several moves over the next few years.....Augusta to Cedartown to Chamblee, and then finally, in 1970, the three of us moved one more time to a little town called Sylvester, GA and lived most of my childhood in a house right next-door to the very house Mama was born in 26 years earlier. Mama had several jobs over the years including bookkeeping at our local hospital, floral design at a family-owned florist, and finally as a keypunch inventory operator at the US Marine Corps Logistics Base in Albany, GA where she worked diligently for the next 29 1/2 years. Throughout the '70s, '80s & '90s, Mama worked hard for her family and was also very dedicated to her church and our God. She and Daddy attended Byne Memorial Baptist Church where there was a significant deaf ministry. Mama was an active member of WMU, taught her Sunday School class, and helped organize the monthly newsletter for the deaf. She was also an active member of the GAD (Georgia Association of the Deaf) and was the Director of the Miss Deaf Georgia Pageant for two terms. In July 1979, she became a Mama for the second time as we welcomed my baby sister into the world! Yes, she can hear, too (in case you're wondering). :) Well, our family rocked on quite well for a decade or so....just doing the normal family stuff. Then, a significant event happened in February 1993, and nothing about our family was ever the same. Daddy had a major brainstem stroke, and it ravaged his body. Mama would now have to draw from an even deeper strength than she had ever tapped into before. "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong." ~Audrey Hepburn Mama continued to work at the Marine Base as long as she could during the day, and came home and took care of Daddy every night. Daddy is a very big man, and became pretty much dead weight from the severe paralysis. Again, you can read all about Daddy's specific physical struggles on the other post, but suffice it to say that the last 20 years have NOT been easy for Mama & Daddy! In 2006, Mama decided it was time to retire from her job and give Daddy her complete attention. I wasn't able to attend her retirement luncheon, but when I read the accomplishments that are listed on the program above, I was very impressed and extremely proud of her hard work! In 2011, Daddy had a second round of smaller but still very serious strokes. My sister and I decided it was time to pack our parents up and move them closer to one of us. So, we packed up 45 years worth of independent life and moved them to North Georgia. They now live right here in the same town with me, and I see them several times a week. I have watched Mama continue to dedicate her life to my Daddy. The love those two share is absolutely amazing. It's so incredibly strong and such a wonderful example of what "for better or worse....in sickness and in health" really means. So, there you have it. The life of Mary Louise Gammage Thomas thus far. My beautiful Mama. (Seriously, don't you think she's a gorgeous woman?) She's a devoted wife, a mother of two, a grandmother of three, and I hope this post has in some small way given you a picture of how immensely proud I am of her and all she has accomplished in her life. If you've read all the way down to this point, I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Yes, it's a long story, but, like my Daddy's, it's real....and inspiring.....and definitely worth the time it took for me to write it! Even with everything my Mama has been through in her life, I have NEVER, not once, seen fear or hopelessness in her (other than when we almost lost Daddy in 1993). She is such a strong Christian woman with an immense faith in our God. She simply will NOT give up......ever! Like I said, she's a force to be reckoned with! She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. ~Proverbs 31:25 So, here's the question.....is there a "Steel Magnolia" in your life? Do you have the opportunity to tell her how important she is to you? If your answers are "yes"...and "yes", I encourage you to let her know! None of us are promised tomorrow, so make the most of today! So with that said, Mama, I want you to know that I am awed by you! You have lived an incredible life and are an amazing example of the kind of woman I strive to be....selfless, strong, and full of courage. I thank you for giving me life and taking such incredible care of Daddy! I wish you the happiest of birthdays this year and many more to come! I love you, Mama! Until next time, ~Dot UPDATE- Mama's soulmate entered Heaven's Gates on April 12, 2016, but HER story doesn't end there. My sister and I promised our Daddy that we would love Mama and take care of her the same way she loved and took care of him, and we intend to do so for all her birthdays to come! We love you, Mama! You are truly our inspiration!
9 Comments
Heather
2/19/2014 03:06:20 pm
Aside from the wonderful words, the best thing about this post are the AWESOME pictures...some of which I have never seen before! I'm glad that you have done these write-ups, to use a Mattie Bell term, for Daddy and Mama so that those close to you and our family can know what a wonderful example we both had growing up to prepare us for adulthood and for what it means to say vows and keep them. Happy birthday Mama! I hope you have a wonderful day!
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Carolyn Lee
2/19/2014 10:08:04 pm
This is truly a remarkable lady and I loved the views of her and her family
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Bobbie Gay
2/19/2014 11:10:54 pm
Dot,
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Linda Hudson
2/20/2014 12:00:08 am
Dot, Thank you for sharing your parents stories! So enjoyed reading about your mama and look forward to reading your dad's. I remember so many of the stories with great fondness for your entire family. Love you all! Always assumed the move to Cedartown was for Mary Louise to attend the school in Cave Springs. How wrong! Just an incredible story and so well written. Enjoyed the pictures. Some brought back very fond memories! Thanks again for blessing my day!Happy Birthday Mary Louise!
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Wanda Thomas Lopez
2/20/2014 12:28:12 am
Great "write up" Dot. I have made the comment so many times that if anyone needed an example of "for better, for worse, " they needed to look at Mary and how she has been such a loving wife to my brother Kerry. One thing I will add, your mother has a great sense of humor and I enjoy being with her so much. She has maintained that sense of humor through very difficult circumstances without self pity. What an example!
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Judy Coleman
2/20/2014 03:48:46 pm
Happy birthday, Mary Louise! What a blessing you and Kerry have been to me over these many years. Thank you for all the lessons you taught me about love, faith, life, patience, commitment and true strength. Oh, yes, and Sign Language! That is where it all began. Thank you for the gift of your beautiful language! I love you.
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Julie
2/23/2016 08:18:58 am
Wow Dot. What an amazing life. I love your descriptions of her early days. What determination and perseverance! I am so thankful you shared this! Hugs. PS. My fav pic is you with the pigtails. Xo
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Eula
2/23/2018 02:14:12 pm
Dot i just finished reading about your Mother my my such an awesome lady you are indeed just like her in so many ways love you and you are also so special
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Josh Rider
1/25/2023 08:20:46 pm
Dot, this is beautiful. I want to know how she landed in Ft. Lauderdale when the GSD was right there?!? My favorite line from this is “I have NEVER…seen fear or hopelessness in her.” What a testament to her character, composure, and attitude.
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AuthorHi! I'm Dot. I refuse to succumb to the "empty nest syndrome"! So, this is my journal.....my photo album.....my attempt to enjoy the next chapter of my life as it unfolds. Welcome to The Roomy Nest! Archives
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