I had a revelation recently. Why do we wait until the people we love have left this earth before we honor them with kind words of respect and a timeline of their life events? Seriously. Have you ever thought about that? Too often, we hear "I didn't know he did that! He could have taught me more about it." or "Wow! I wish I had known she was a part of that! I would love to have heard about it from her own memories" , but unfortunately we usually hear (or say) these words as people are leaving a memorial service. Well, that revelation of mine happened last weekend. No, we didn't attend a memorial service. We were celebrating my Daddy's birthday..... 72 years of a remarkable life! As I was looking over the pictures I took of him, ready to make my annual Facebook post, it occurred to me........ People need to know my Daddy and his incredible life story! So, with that in mind, let me tell you about my Hero. He's truly the "strong, silent type." Let me explain............ "A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." ~Christopher Reeve Kerry R. Thomas was born in a small South Georgia town on October 5, 1941. He was the third of seven children born to a hard-working, rural couple. Due to a case of German Measles during pregnancy, my Daddy was born totally deaf and with limited vision in his left eye. In his early years, he lived on the family farm and his family communicated with him using "home signs". In 1947, when my Daddy was 6 years old, he was sent about 300 miles away across the state to a special school for deaf children. There was no such thing as "mainstreaming" back then, so this was the only option for my grandparents to be sure my Daddy could get an education. While I understand this in my head, my heart aches every time I think about it. As a mother, I cannot imagine sending my son away totally alone at such a young age! Daddy stayed at that school until he was 21 years old. He only came home (riding the train alone to and from) for two weeks at Christmas and the three months of summer vacation each year. Other than that, he lived at school with other deaf children and teenagers, and without question, they became his family. He had learned a language that he could use to express himself fully. This was a language no one knew back home (other than the letters of the alphabet). My Daddy did a lot of great things while he was at the Georgia School for the Deaf in Cave Springs. Take a look at a few of them..... I believe the most important thing he did at the Georgia School for the Deaf was meeting a pretty young girl named Mary Louise Gammage in 1961. She'd only been on campus for two years (as opposed to his 14 years), but the two had an undeniable attraction to each other. (By the way, you definitely need to hear my Mama's story too! Here's the link: "A Steel Magnolia Hits 70") Daddy graduated in 1963, and leaving Mary Louise behind at school, he moved to Brunswick, GA to start his first job. Keep in mind that he is a deaf man who only communicates via American Sign Language living in a place where no one spoke his language. He lived in a room at a boarding house and worked at a commercial printing company setting the type to be run through a printing press. He transferred to the same type of job in Augusta, GA only 2 months later and worked there for 4 1/2 years. Mary Louise graduated from GSD in May of 1966 and the two married on July 9, 1966. I wish I had a wedding picture to show you, but I don't because they eloped. They went over to Aiken, SC (because according to them "you didn't have to wait as long as in Georgia for a marriage license AND there wasn't a bloodtest!") In March of 1968, they had a baby (that would be me).....a hearing one! (which really shouldn't have been a surprise since neither of them were deaf due to genetics, but rather to external circumstances, but I think folks were concerned.) :) There were several moves over the next several years...Augusta to Cedartown to Chamblee (where Daddy got a job as a mail clerk, sorting the mail for the US Postal Service). In 1970, the three of us moved one more time....to a little town called Sylvester, GA. Daddy transferred to Albany's main USPS office and he worked that job......diligently, day in and day out on 2nd & 3rd Shifts......for the next 22 years! Throughout the '70s & '80s, Daddy worked hard for his family and was also very dedicated to his church and our God. He and Mama attended Byne Memorial Baptist Church where there was a significant deaf ministry. He taught Sunday School classes to deaf people. I am so proud to say that my Daddy was the first deaf man ever ordained to be a Deacon in that church! In fact, he was the second deaf man in the state of Georgia to ever be an ordained Deacon! He served as President of the Georgia Baptist Convention of the Deaf for one term. He also served as the President of the 3rd Chapter of the GAD (Georgia Association of the Deaf). In July of 1979, he became a Daddy for the second time as we welcomed my baby sister into the world! Yes, she can hear, too (in case you're wondering). :) Well, our family of four rocked on quite well for a decade or so....just doing the normal family stuff. In fact, in the fall of 1992, the USPS offered Daddy an early retirement option, and at the ripe old age of 50, he took it. He had plans....big plans. He was going to draw his pension and still find something small to do on the side....perhaps something with his hands like weaving cane-back/bottom chairs or landscaping. (He loved growing roses!) However, in just 6 short months (February of 1993), my Daddy's world was turned upside down. "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an Daddy had a massive brain stem stroke. It was totally unexpected, and it ravaged his body! He lost all control of the right side of his body. (He's right-handed!) He could no longer use his right hand/arm at all. (His only form of communication is sign language! BOTH hands are important!) He couldn't walk. He couldn't swallow. The left side of his face was out of his control. (His left eye that never was great before was now basically useless.) He had to be fed through a tube coming out of his abdomen. It. Was. Devastating. I remember those 18 weeks of uncertainty as if they were just yesterday. We didn't know from day to day if he would survive. However, what I didn't know as a child became clear to me as an adult..... my Daddy was a fighter! In 1994, at his request, we found a surgeon who was willing to do a tracheotomy on Daddy. This was in an effort to allow him to eat by mouth again without aspirating. It meant that his voicebox would be permanently removed. He wanted it done and we wanted to honor his wish. So, now, my Dad is literally mute. He never really used his voice to communicate..... never had any formal training in oral language, but he used to call for me in the house or outside when I was growing up. It sounded like this..."Dah!" , but I knew it was him...needing me. I no longer get to hear "Dah" anymore and wow do I miss it, but my Daddy can eat again, and that makes it all worthwhile! He eats by mouth and breathes by neck only. In most pictures I take of him, he wants me to Photoshop the "hole" in his neck and get it out of the picture and I've done it at his request, but I may start leaving it in. It's definitely a badge of strength in my opinion! "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." ~Helen Keller In 2011, Daddy had a second round of smaller but still very serious strokes. My sister and I decided it was time to pack our parents up and move them closer to one of us. So, we packed up 45 years worth of independent life and moved them to North Georgia. Daddy had to be placed in a nursing home with the hope of being able to rehabilitate him to a point of living at home again with the love of his life. Against all odds, he did just that! I took this picture of him the day I drove him home to be with Mama. See that determination? I told you he's a fighter! Daddy was 70 that Fall and I felt an overwhelming need to celebrate this extraordinary man and his life, so we had not one, but two parties for him in his new backyard. One for family to attend, and one for all of his deaf friends to celebrate. It was a fantastic time of reunion! Last year in May, I had the distinct pleasure of seeing the place my Daddy lived for so many years and met my mama. Wow! It is a time I will NEVER forget. In my 45 years, I have never seen my Daddy so animated, so excited, so full of life as he explained to me with one hand where he slept, where he played basketball & football, where he courted his Love! This place is clearly a place of many happy memories for them both, and I will be forever grateful that I got to see it with them through their eyes. On September 15, 2012, Daddy was inducted into the GSD Hall of Fame. Due to health restrictions, he wasn't able to attend in person, but he sure was happy when he got his plaque in the mail! Just look at that smile! "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most So, there you have it. The life of Kerry R. Thomas thus far. My Daddy. My Hero! If you've read all the way down to this point, I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Yes, it's a long story, but it's real....and inspiring.....and definitely worth the time it took for me to write it! Even with all of the obstacles my Daddy has endured in his life, he STILL praises God and looks for the positives. I watch him choose patience and peace and joy every single day. I am around him for two seconds and I am quickly reminded how most of us have NOTHING to complain about! So, I have to ask... who's YOUR hero? I encourage you to take the time..... right now....today.....to seek them out either by phone or in person and gather up every morsel of their memories before you miss the opportunity! As for me? Yes, I know who my hero is....he's without question the strongest, most courageous man I have ever known and I will cherish him and the legacy he has given me for as long as I draw breath! I love you, Daddy! UPDATE-
Daddy entered Heaven's Gates on April 12, 2016, but his story doesn't end there...in fact, that’s where it gets REALLY good, and I can’t wait to see him again so we can celebrate our Victory in Jesus together for all eternity!
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“All seasons have something to offer.” According to the calendar, yet another Summer has come and gone. September 22nd marked the official beginning of Fall 2013. I have mixed feelings. Do you? I mean, there are things I love about both seasons! Summer....<deep wistful sigh!>.... As an educator, I have enjoyed "summer vacations" for many, many years. The world around me seems to slow WAY down, and I can really enjoy life, savoring every moment. I'm already mourning the temporary loss of this.... .....and along with that loss, there's no more of this for a while..... ....or these folks hanging around very much..... “I have an affection for those transitional seasons, the way I must say, though, that the heat index in the South can make it tough to endure outside Summer fun for too long, and Fall temps can be a nice relief! So, let's stop all this "I miss Summer" talk, and move on to the beauty of Fall! Here's what I'm looking forward to this Fall: ** Going back to the ol' Alma Mater and seeing friends that I haven't seen face to face in almost 25 years! ** ** High School Football on Friday nights!** ** Saturdays spent tailgating and cheering our DAWGS on to victory "Between the Hedges"! ** ** Maybe even a wedding or two....** :) **...and, most importantly, thanking my God for His beautiful Creation all around us! ** See? Our sweet boy still comes to see us..... even after the pool is covered 'til next Summer! ;) So, there you have it. I'm planning on fully enjoying this new season of ours! How about you? What are you looking forward to? Whatever it is, I hope it brings you much joy! Happy Fall, Y'all!
Until next time.... ~Dot "The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence." ~~Denis Waitly They're gone now. Both of 'em. Just like that. I feel like I JUST took that picture on the left about three or four years ago in our cozy little nest, but...well...I guess not. Now, they are both at college. Our girl is a Senior and our boy is a Freshman! They're both at the same school, which is somewhat of a comfort, but that still makes for a very...well...ahem..."roomy" nest. <heavy sigh!> Here's the deal. When our daughter went to college, it was different at home...no doubt! A little less laundry....one less placemat at the dinner table. We really missed her when it was realized that we'd be providing taxi service for our son again! :) Bottom line, though, was that there was still a very busy family calendar. Activity was still plentiful in our nest. Yes, I missed her, but I was okay. "When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States." ~~Erma Bombeck Now? Wow! Now is a very different story. We've just moved our son to college. In fact, he's been gone exactly one week. Yep. One full week of a very roomy nest here at home. Don't get me wrong! I don't love our son more than our daughter. Also, if you're thinking that I'm dreading sharing the nest with only my hubby for the next 50 or so years, that's not correct either! (He and I are closer than we've ever been!) It's just that I miss being the kind of Mama I've been for the last 21 1/2 years. Sure, I'll always be their Mama, but I'm already realizing that they don't need me like they once did anymore. That's what really breaks my heart more than anything. See, I need for them to need me. I need that really badly! <heavy sigh!> However, life keeps moving. Baby birds grow up. They leave their Mama's (and Daddy's) nest and fly out into the world. They collect pieces of life and eventually they make their own nests. It's how it's supposed to be. However, if I'm to be perfectly honest, I must admit, I'm a bit emotional right now. I'm kind of lost. I'm a tad bit sad. In a way, I feel as if I'm mourning a loss. I mean no disrespect to someone who has literally experienced the loss of a child. I can't even begin to fathom what that must be like. However, I DO feel as if I'm experiencing a loss. I guess it's more like closure on a chapter of my life, and that is something I just can't wrap my mind around just yet. In my mind, this picture is what my nest will always look like. The four of us.....circled up......enjoying each other's company in one place.....at the same time. Maybe, just maybe, my birds will fly back to the nest from time to time. Who knows? They may just bring some new birds into my nest, too! Wouldn't that be interesting? In the meantime, I'm going to embrace our roomy nest. It's NOT "empty".....just....."roomy". Whatever shape your nest is in right now, stretch out and find the joy. That's what I'm going to do. Until next time, ~Dot "If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." ~Mary Engelbreit Change. It's something that I'm not always comfortable with, if I'm to be perfectly honest. Now, let me say up front, I'm NOT one of those folks that is vehemently opposed to change. (You know the ones....."We've always done it this way!"...... "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" Blah! Those folks bring me down big time!) I DO know that change is inevitable in life. However, the closer change happens to me, personally, the harder it is to shift gears and just accept it without a bit of an internal .......what's the word?......"struggle?"....... "fight?"....... maybe it's "meltdown." Anyway, bottom line......change is here, up close and very personal, in my life right now. Change is happening at home. Change is happening in my extended family circumstances. Change is happening in my church. Change is definitely happening at my workplace. "Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it." ~Kahlil Gibran Here's the best news of all about change for me. (Well, I think it's good news....others may have a different opinion about this.) I, too, am changing! Yep. It's true! See, here's the thing. Those that know me well enough know that I can handle change....as long as I can control the circumstances. Hello! My name is Dot, and I'm a control freak. There. I said it. I have an innate NEED to control things (and yes, I'll admit it, people too!). Frankly, it's a trait that I've viewed as a curse from time to time throughout my life. I want ......no I NEED to fix things. Things need to run smoothly in life, and in my little mind, I think I'm the only one who can make that happen, not only for myself, but also for all the other folks in my life. Again, these folks are family members, friends, and even co-workers! It's enough to take me to places mentally and emotionally that aren't good places for me to be hanging out! I've prayed diligently for my God to give me a peace about this very thing, and I think He's giving me this new perspective now. I truly believe I'm finally changing in this area! This is big for me.....really BIG! "Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't." ~Steve Maraboli If you're still with me, and you've read all the way to this point in the post, you may be thinking...."How corny!" or "Dot's clearly losing her marbles......one quote at a time." I don't blame you for having this opinion of me. I, too, think it at times, but I'm actually feeling pretty good today......right now....at this very moment. Change is happening, and I'm rolling with it! Take a look at this picture again: I almost trashed this picture. It was one I took just to get my lighting figured out on a cloudy day out by the pool. I mean, look at it. It's the backside of the flower. You can't even see the "pretty bloom" that was super large that particular day. However, the more I looked at this shot, the more I liked it better than any I took from the front. I can't explain it other than to say I see beauty here, too, and I wanted to honor that beauty and thank God for giving me this lesson in perspective. I'm looking at things differently these days, and I gotta tell you......I'm LOVING what I see! "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change!" ~Dr. Wayne Dyer It's all about perspective! How are you perceiving your life today? I hope you see beauty, peace, and joy!
Until next time, ~Dot
July 28, 1990
Life is all about memories. Admittedly, I do NOT have a good memory, but I can say that my Wedding Day is without question one of my most vivid memories (probably because we have a video...VHS, by the way... that I have been able to watch from time to time over the last 23 years). As I've already mentioned, I do NOT have a good memory, so the little stuff...how the cake tasted...the look of our reception decor....is not even a possibility in my memory bank, but I DO remember very well how I felt on that day. I was so excited to start a new life. One that I was going to share with this man. A life in his town, among his family and childhood friends. A life very different from the only one I had ever known growing up. As corny as it may sound, I truly viewed him as my knight in shining armor that was going to whisk me away to a wonderful life that is usually best recognized in fairy tales. Well, as is true for ALL relationships...particularly marriages, ours hasn't always been a fairy tale. We've had some rough patches along the way, but the best part of this story is that we're still together. He's still that handsome knight that rescued me 23 years ago, and I'm looking forward to our future....together. |
AuthorHi! I'm Dot. I refuse to succumb to the "empty nest syndrome"! So, this is my journal.....my photo album.....my attempt to enjoy the next chapter of my life as it unfolds. Welcome to The Roomy Nest! Archives
January 2020
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